Relationship Blues

The hardest part of a relationship is not the break-up (which is incredibly difficult and makes me want to throw up) but the returning of stuff. I find myself trying to leave very little behind, requiring very little effort or heartache when the relationship ends. The pain of a break-up is only drug out by the returning of stuff because he's not really out of your life until his stuff is. It doesn't help if the last thing he told you was that he wanted it back.

I never try to on keep anything. In fact, I tend to return more than heleft behind. I include almost anything that reminds me of him. I threw away the extra toothbrush the next morning. That act was very sad, though. There's no middle ground with the toothbrush. You can't be just friends and keep it. It's either next to yours or in the trash, but I didn't even want to keep it for a little while.

This and the returning of the stuff made me think about my recent relationships. I seriously am the black widow lately. It's not that I don't want to date. It's just I can't find people who I feel are worth the effort. There are so many things that go into this determination. Worthiness is hard to pinpoint, but easy to see when it's not there. I've come up with a few good things to look at, though.

1. How does he treat you when you're sick? This is a key point. Even when you're just friends with someone, how you are treated when you're sick is the ultimate indicator of how that person feels about you. I should not have to ask for food or drink, and I surely should not have to cook it myself.

2. Does he take pride in your accomplishments? Achievements in life should be important and should be acknowledged. You shouldn't have to keep reminding anyone why what you've accomplished is so valuable or important. If he can't recognize that you've reached a milestone, there is a good chance that he can't value you. Your accomplishments define who you are. He should be just as proud, or more so, when you are proud.

3. Does he notice when you do small things for him? I'm not saying that you should do things just to get noticed, but when you make his bed, do his dishes, or buy him a small something that reminds you of him, he should appreciate it. You shouldn't feel that you're efforts go unnoticed. You do them out of love, and if he can't appreciate or recognize that, how can he ever do the same for you?

4. Finally, you should never feel bad about yourself. You shouldn't feel that if you just changed this one thing that everything would be perfect. Believe me, we all have faults, but part of a relationship is accepting them. Even if you change this one thing, I'm positive that something else will replace it. We are imperfect beings and we should be loved, not in spite of, but because of this.

Here's something to ponder. My 17-year-old brother just bought his girlfriend a $50 necklace (with diamonds) to celebrate their six-month anniversary. If my 17-year-old brother can figure this out, a guy in his 20s should be able to do this and more.

I'm special and worth the effort, and don't you forget it.