I Do Not Bite My Thumb at You, Sir

I go to spinning classes fairly often. I feel I'm often up to the challenge. I went again tonight. I thought it would be good because I had been so productive today.

Earlier in the day, I cut my thumb on the yogurt foil. (This is important! Pay attention!) It bled a little, but a Kleenex did the job.

Later at spinning class, I started out at my normal pace. I felt I was "challenging myself" while "listening to my body." But then I lost speed. I had trouble keeping up. I kept drinking water, but all that seemed to happen was my thumb. Throbbing. It kept saying "fuck you" on every heart beat. ("fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.") It wouldn't stop. It was the monster that sucked away all my energy.

When there were about 20 minutes left of my hour-long class, I got off the bike. I had pushed through before, but today I was left with the need to vomit and the light-headedness. I walked out the class, trying to be discrete. What should the instructor do, but say "Thank you" to me through the microphone. I always thought it was because she was trying to be nice, but do you know why she does it?

To call me out! Yes, I'm the loser who has to leave class early. My thumb has taken over my entire body, and I must leave so it can plan world domination. Thank you for pointing out to then entire class what a loser I am.

So, I drove home. But, I don't really remember doing this. I think my thumb remembered the way or something. I almost hit a car, a biker, a bird, and a pedestrian. Don't drink and drive? How about don't spin and drive? Or, don't cut your thumb on a yogurt foil, then go to spinning class, and then leave because you're so light-headed that you can't bike anymore... and drive.