I'm Gonna Make No Money!

I am just excited about this fact. (Not really.)

What's exciting is I might actually be doing something I like. I just want to get past the bar right now.

Poop on it. I'm going over my workbook, just trying to retain information. I hate my life.

EDIT:
Here is proof. Granted this information is about six years old, but it can't have change that much.
This is a difference of $66,000 between my first job offer (that was latter retracted) and the average salary of the job I'm most likely to get. I'm really going out on a limb here...

Frustration at Craig's List

I'm trying to post furniture for sale. The website isn't really connecting. It's like being on a dial-up.

I hate this. There is no reason for this and I want to kick Craig.

EDIT:
I tried again and finally got this message:

Error

Craigslist is currently undergoing some brief maintenance.

Please sit tight, and try again later.

We are aware of the situation, and the happy craigslist elves are scurrying to make it better, even now.

Well it's about fucking time.

Searching for an Old Friend

I once had a friend. I was 17; he was 23. Six years difference isn't much now, but it felt like the world when I was 17. We had a deep connection. It wasn't physical. We never even kissed. I was away at boarding school and he was still back home. He wrote me emails and letters. I don't know where the letters went, but I found the emails today. I saved them on a computer I was about to sell.

I re-read the letters. They were often deep meaningful letters. Sometimes he was merely responding to an adolescent who was unsure how to act around guys, especially older ones.

In one email he talks about the time we sat in the park, sporadically talking, taking 3 to 5 minute breaks of silence. I still remember that day. I remember in those bouts of silence wanting to say something, but in my mind I was having a debate about whether to remain silent. He saw maturity where I was merely trying to act mature.

His letter got more and more depressing. He was lost in a quarter-life crisis, and I didn't know how to respond. I was caught between liking him and feeling like the age gap was insurmountable. He was about to finish college and I was just about to start.

Professions of adoration and eventually love were in each of the emails. He put up with a neurotic teenager, barely ready to become an adult. I did love him. I do love him still. He was the first person in my life who I truly loved outside of my family.

I lost touch with him and can't find him now. Unfortunately he has a very common name. I want to know if he's alright. I want to find my friend and reach out with a hand of understanding, which is something I was incapable of when we were friends back then.

I miss David Crook.

Dirty Little Secret

I just bought a Kelly Clarkson CD.

I have hit the "bar" wall.

I've watched 8 episodes of the West Wing in less than 24 hours.

I washed my dishes wishing for a nose plug because it had been that long since I cleaned them.

I watched The Family Stone the morning.

Studying at its Finest

You know those naps you take that you think you're not really sleeping until you wake up and realize you were in a deep sleep? I managed to have one of those while studying. I started out sleeping just on my arms, then I ended up turned around, head on the pillows, under the covers somehow in the midst of my not-sleeping.

I woke up because my friend was calling. Thank god she did. I might have slept another hour or two. I was having weird dreams of trying to get a text book while my friends, all dressed in grey suits, were waiting in the library for a professor or something, but the librarian was slowly liberating a guy from the bowels of another professor by gathering his tie, books, etc as the other students cheered him on every time he picked up an item. Yeah, it was a weird dream.

Now I will finish my homework from today so I can do my homework from yesterday...

I Do Not Bite My Thumb at You, Sir

I go to spinning classes fairly often. I feel I'm often up to the challenge. I went again tonight. I thought it would be good because I had been so productive today.

Earlier in the day, I cut my thumb on the yogurt foil. (This is important! Pay attention!) It bled a little, but a Kleenex did the job.

Later at spinning class, I started out at my normal pace. I felt I was "challenging myself" while "listening to my body." But then I lost speed. I had trouble keeping up. I kept drinking water, but all that seemed to happen was my thumb. Throbbing. It kept saying "fuck you" on every heart beat. ("fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.") It wouldn't stop. It was the monster that sucked away all my energy.

When there were about 20 minutes left of my hour-long class, I got off the bike. I had pushed through before, but today I was left with the need to vomit and the light-headedness. I walked out the class, trying to be discrete. What should the instructor do, but say "Thank you" to me through the microphone. I always thought it was because she was trying to be nice, but do you know why she does it?

To call me out! Yes, I'm the loser who has to leave class early. My thumb has taken over my entire body, and I must leave so it can plan world domination. Thank you for pointing out to then entire class what a loser I am.

So, I drove home. But, I don't really remember doing this. I think my thumb remembered the way or something. I almost hit a car, a biker, a bird, and a pedestrian. Don't drink and drive? How about don't spin and drive? Or, don't cut your thumb on a yogurt foil, then go to spinning class, and then leave because you're so light-headed that you can't bike anymore... and drive.

My Bar Study Theme Song

Chris Isaak's "I Wonder"

When I was younger I believed, that dreams came true.
Now I wonder.
Cause' I've seen much more dark skies, than blue.
Now I wonder.

I keep on praying for a blue sky, I keep on searching through the rain.
I keep on thinking of the good times, will they ever come again?
Now I wonder.
Now I wonder.

I keep on praying for a blue sky, I keep on searching through the rain.
I keep on thinking of the good times, will they ever come again?
Now I wonder.
Now I wonder.

When I was younger I believed, that I could win.
Now I wonder.
There was a time when you and I, walked hand & hand.
Now I wonder.

I keep on searching for the old me, I keep on thinking I can change.
I keep on hoping for a new day, will I ever feel the same?
Now I wonder.
Oh I wonder.
Now I wonder.