Oh, Crap!

Poop is one of my favorite subjects. It's surprising I haven't talked about it before. Just ask any of my friends or family. I have no qualms about talking about my poop. Now it is time to tell you.

Last night I went to a show at a venue near my house. I walked there, naturally. I sat for a while, sipping my G&T when it hit me. I had some stomach cramps going on. I tried to discreetly pass gas, but nothing would pass. I noticed that the room was starting to feel really hot. Then I figured out it was me. I decided it was time to take a little trip to the bathroom.

When I got there, a girl was waiting outside the bathroom. I suddenly felt a little relief knowing I would be alone in the room. When the girl came out of the bathroom, it was all of a sudden obvious that there were two stall in the room. Great. I was going to have to crap/fart with someone else in the room. Also, there was no lock on the stall door.

I got down to business, but I was lucky. The bathroom was right next to the stage, so none of my business could be heard. And I emptied out my bowels. It was a hunched over type dump. Unfortunately, someone came into the bathroom and opened my stall door, though I tried to make it obvious when they walked in that I was in it by grabbing the door with my hand. (This was easy since I was folded in two at this point.)

I finished up, thinking that would have to trek back home after only being there for a portion of the first act. I got up to flush the toilet, and I promise it was not pretty. Then I pushed the flushy lever, but there was no movement in the toilet. I started to freak out. While I don't mind emptying my guts in public, I don't want people having to look at it. I pleaded with the forces of nature to make the toilet flush, and slowly but surely a slow swirl started to form.

Everything went down and I went out to wash my hands. I dabbed the sweat off my face and neck and looked in the mirror. It wasn't so bad. I was determined to stick it out. I went back to the bar, and all signs of my prior cramps were gone. I stayed through all four acts and got sufficiently buzzed to be able to walk home with blistery feet all five blocks. Replacing poop with beer is always a good thing.

Grades

Why is it that when all I really cared about was passing, I got disappointed when I saw my grades? True, I did pick my schedule based on the least amount of finals I would have to take, and I did write my paper for sports law in a week. Still, I thought seminars were great because people don't really get below a B or B-. Well, I guess someone forgot to inform the adjunct professor...

OK. As of right now, I'm still passing. I just might not be passing in the top 50% of my class. That kind of makes me feel lame...

An Instant Reply to an Earlier Post

There's something about a cool pre-summer evening breeze and an Alfred Hitchcock film set in France playing on the big screen that can offset a bad day and make a person believe in love again. Somehow the beautiful Grace Kelly, suave Cary Grant, and scenic Cannes shoreline mixed together to completely change my outlook on life.

I feel refreshed and happy. It feels like someone pushed the reset button on my faith-in-love button. Closing my eyes and sighing brings a smile to my face. You have to love a movie that can do that...

Relationship Blues

The hardest part of a relationship is not the break-up (which is incredibly difficult and makes me want to throw up) but the returning of stuff. I find myself trying to leave very little behind, requiring very little effort or heartache when the relationship ends. The pain of a break-up is only drug out by the returning of stuff because he's not really out of your life until his stuff is. It doesn't help if the last thing he told you was that he wanted it back.

I never try to on keep anything. In fact, I tend to return more than heleft behind. I include almost anything that reminds me of him. I threw away the extra toothbrush the next morning. That act was very sad, though. There's no middle ground with the toothbrush. You can't be just friends and keep it. It's either next to yours or in the trash, but I didn't even want to keep it for a little while.

This and the returning of the stuff made me think about my recent relationships. I seriously am the black widow lately. It's not that I don't want to date. It's just I can't find people who I feel are worth the effort. There are so many things that go into this determination. Worthiness is hard to pinpoint, but easy to see when it's not there. I've come up with a few good things to look at, though.

1. How does he treat you when you're sick? This is a key point. Even when you're just friends with someone, how you are treated when you're sick is the ultimate indicator of how that person feels about you. I should not have to ask for food or drink, and I surely should not have to cook it myself.

2. Does he take pride in your accomplishments? Achievements in life should be important and should be acknowledged. You shouldn't have to keep reminding anyone why what you've accomplished is so valuable or important. If he can't recognize that you've reached a milestone, there is a good chance that he can't value you. Your accomplishments define who you are. He should be just as proud, or more so, when you are proud.

3. Does he notice when you do small things for him? I'm not saying that you should do things just to get noticed, but when you make his bed, do his dishes, or buy him a small something that reminds you of him, he should appreciate it. You shouldn't feel that you're efforts go unnoticed. You do them out of love, and if he can't appreciate or recognize that, how can he ever do the same for you?

4. Finally, you should never feel bad about yourself. You shouldn't feel that if you just changed this one thing that everything would be perfect. Believe me, we all have faults, but part of a relationship is accepting them. Even if you change this one thing, I'm positive that something else will replace it. We are imperfect beings and we should be loved, not in spite of, but because of this.

Here's something to ponder. My 17-year-old brother just bought his girlfriend a $50 necklace (with diamonds) to celebrate their six-month anniversary. If my 17-year-old brother can figure this out, a guy in his 20s should be able to do this and more.

I'm special and worth the effort, and don't you forget it.

End of an Era

I am done with law school. I just finished my last law school final. I drank a lot of vodka. I ate cereal when I got home. Now I blog. A wonderful end to the story. I wonder if the blog should even be kept up...

I turned off the alarm. The possibilities are endless. I plan on shopping for an end-of-the-year-party outfit tomorrow. Maybe I'll play the Sims. It doesn't matter. I have no other obligations!

The Perfect Communist Model?

So I'm a Star Trek geek. I've known this forever. I grew up on it. Star Wars was a part of my adult life.

So while studying for my last law school final EVER, I had this thought: Star Trek is the perfect model for communism. They have no money. Everyone is united by the common goal of bettering humanity. Everyone realizes there is a greater goal when they realize they are not alone in the universe.

Do you think I can use that on my final? I guess it would only work if the professor were a Star Trek geek himself. Though looking at him at school, I would suspect there is a good chance he is geek enough... Maybe he's just a law geek though. It's so hard to tell. There was a time in my life when geek was just geek.

Better Questions for my Final

My last final is for Jurisprudence in Property (basically, how did we come up with the laws for property that we have). I have decided that there are better ways to do this. Namely, using Lost as a backdrop for these issues.

Question 1: Is there any basis for the Other's claim that the Island is theirs when no one (other than Dharma and the Lostaways) are aware the island even exists?

Question 2: Do the medical miracles that occur (for Rose, Jin, and Locke) give the these particular Lostaways some claim in the land that everyone else on the island does not have? In answering this question, think about whether anyone should have ownership in medical miracles or the island that produces them.

Question 3: When the food drops occur, does the ownership of the island play any part in ownership of the food? In answering this question, think about Locke's (the philosopher) idea that labor is necessary for ownership.

Question 4: The hatch requires certain numbers be pressed ever 108 minutes. Does Locke's labor theory play any part in ownership of the hatch?

Question 5: What property claims does Sawyer have on all the guns he stole and is now holding hostage?

Bonus question: If Hurley is crazy and making it all up, what television show would J.J. Abrams be ripping off (and can that television show own the right to the whole show all being in someone's head)?